Letter

I am not a bad girl.

i am not very good either.

am i not good enough, am i not doing enough?

alot of people don't like me i know. for the way i am.

i've been trying my entire first 14 years on earth trying to please everyone possible.

I've compromised, i gave up what i wanted for what others wanted from me.

I became "nice", so that i can be accepted.

i am aggressively defensive, because i am afraid.

I don't know if everyone does feel the same but every now and then, i forgot who i am.

I recalled my own name, and my face, and that very moment i became a stranger to myself.

and believe me, the feeling is extremely strong.

Its true, i still remembered once God spoke through my leader and told me to stop searching for myself, for who i really was/am.

All our lives we want recognition, from people, from ourselves.

We need to know who He is before knowing who you are. (i'd lay down my life and say this is truth)

And i believe, i am not bad or good, i am just sufficient for God's grace to work.

there's no bad or good people, there are only willing children that He will use.

And thank God i am still standing here, SOBER, without a split personality of knowing myself as a total stranger.

thank you to the friends who have accepted me and corrected me.

and thank you Daddy, for never quitting on me. That's the best assurance i can ever get.

Love you